Real Life scenarios…
Do you recognize some of these traits?

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Two of the most obvious outcomes of untreated ADHD are overwhelming clutter and chronic disorganization.

Some of my female clients tell a similar story: they could manage to juggle everything when they were younger by simply working twice as hard as most other people. But once they hit their mid to late 40s and their energy levels dipped or menopause symptoms showed up, they finally had to give up the struggle.

Other clients describe themselves as being perfectionists who, being unable to do things perfectly, gave up doing them at all. Or developed the habit of procrastinating or putting things off 'just for now…'

Some clients say their whole family had ADHD so no-one coped well with executive functions when they were growing up, least of all their parents.

My male clients tell of their homes becoming so unmanageable that they no longer invite anyone to visit. Shame kicks in and accelerates the problem. Soon the disorder is so great, trying to get organized alone is almost impossible.

Entrepreneurs I have worked with, talk about working for a corporation and climbing the ladder (with support staff in tow) with great gusto. However, they found when they began their own business they were frozen in place by the lack of structure and routine; or lost clients, money and credibility through inefficiency. Delegating was difficult and micromanaging staff hampered success.

Depression and chronic negative thinking can accompany ADHD. Left unchecked, the client gradually loses momentum and self motivation. This can create a downward spiral that I have seen all too often. With lowered self esteem any negative comments or criticisms are taken to heart and can cause great damage and pain.

Clients tell of asking friends or family members for help. But often the job is too big and the volunteer leaves before a significant difference is made. This results in further depressing the ADHDer and reinforces the belief that the job of getting organized is impossible. Or worse, comments made about the situation during the session can shame and demoralize the ADHDer even more…

Another potentially negative spin off for ADHDers can be addictive behaviors. Excessive alcohol, drugs, caffeine, food, shopping or gambling are all ways of self medicating a situation that has become too uncomfortable to deal with head on…

The good news is that all of the above scenarios can be changed for the better with proper professional help. That may be in the form of a doctor who is a specialist and can diagnose ADHD, and if necessary prescribe medication. Or a Professional Organizer to give hands-on help to restore order. Or a coach to work one-on-one to support and develop strategies to overcome some of the hurdles ADHD clients face and begin to rebuild a life that works…

"We particularly like the idea of a coach...a coach can stave off a reversion to old bad habits... procrastination, disorganization and negative thinking...the coach keeps the player focused on the task at hand and offers encouragement along the way." -Dr's Hallowell and Ratey -Driven to Distraction

 

Take the case of one of my clients - I'll call him John to protect his anonymity.

Case Study - John's Story...

John had never married and lived alone. He had stopped dating ten years before we met. He said there had been no point looking for a relationship because if a women saw how he lived he was pretty sure she would not want to continue dating him - so why bother. He used to vow he would get organized and clean his apartment almost weekly but never did. Instead he would turn on the TV when he got home and hyper-focus on it when he was there.

At the weekend he would go out visiting people to avoid being at home, or watch TV all day. His home was so cluttered he had trouble navigating through some rooms and he was profoundly depressed. It had been years since anyone had been inside his apartment and he dreaded someone calling unexpectedly…if they did he didn't answer the door…when he was at home he felt ashamed, overwhelmed and depressed.

Externally John was able to keep up the appearances of being pretty together. He'd found a laundry that would wash, fold and dry-clean his clothes so he was clean and well dressed. He had a good steady job. He knew how to do his job with his eyes closed. It didn't tax him at all (or use a lot of his innate skills and talents) but he felt safe if a little bored in the predictability of it.

He was able to get to work on time after much trial and error and he was super diligent about not taking time off. Even when he was ill he would go to work partly because he hated to stay home. A very wise man; he would listen with compassion to his younger work colleagues and even became a mentor/advisor of sorts. He could be charming and funny. He was well liked by his fellow workers.

The crunch came for John when the landlord needed to inspect the apartment. A notice was delivered asking John to make an appointment for the inspection. John ignored it - twice. Finally the landlord came knocking and eventually entered the apartment when John was at work. John then received a letter saying he had to vacate the apartment with one month's notice. It was the catalyst he needed to change. Enter me…

John phoned and we talked for a long time about his situation. We met a few days later and he showed me the apartment - John was ready to make some radical changes.

Working with a professional organizer allowed John to pare back what he didn't need and pack what he did. With someone at his side he was able to stay focused and on target. With guidance he could work on one small pile at a time without spinning out, being overwhelmed and "shutting down". And with a step-by-step plan of attack the job of sorting and packing went well.

Goodwill got the things he didn't need and the trash was recycled. I negotiated with the landlord to gain an extension on John's one month notice. Explaining that it would take some time to sort and pack up the apartment and John was working with a PO as quickly as was possible. He got an extension…which gave us some time to discuss where he wanted to move to and look at his options.

It was a stressful time. ADHD symptoms can become more frequent and/or severe during times of stress and fatigue. I coached John on his eating and sleeping habits - and he began to exercise in the mornings to burn off some of his 'jittery' energy and focus better. We designed some interim 'rituals' to help him keep balanced during this time and he started using his cellphone alarm to act as a reminder during the day so he took his meds on time etc.

We discussed where he wanted to live, and why, so he could target his search for a new homemore accurately, rather than taking the first apartment he looked at. And as we talked about his budget and financial situation it became obvious tome that he could afford to buy his own apartment rather than rent. John agreed. And with

the help of a fabulous realtor John found a great apartment with a mortgage comparable to what he had been paying in rent…the Gods were smiling!

John and I coached for quite some time after his move. During this time we designed strategies to help him to keep his clutter at bay and better use his physical space. He (in his own words) was never perfectly neat and tidy, always a bit messy, but not unduly so. He was able to pay his bills on time and radically reduced the amount of time he spent looking for lost items.

He cut back on watching the TV so much and was able to have friends and family visit and even sleep over. He stopped trying to be perfect and accepted his ADHD tendencies, compensating for them when necessary. And focused on honing his positive skills and talents (he turned out to be a great cook!).

He became healthier physically, as a result of his regular exercise regime and joined a gym. And he gradually nixed his negative 'self talk' which had been feeding his depression all his life. As his confidence and self worth built he began taking more risks. He finally began dating again. He was, and still is a good, kind, honest, and funny man with an above average IQ and a mind that whirls with all sorts of interesting and novel ideas….he is still cute looking too.

Now, five years on, John is happily married. A smart lady recognized a diamond in the rough and has buffed him up beautifully!!… His apartment has nearly doubled in value since he bought it. And recently he retired from his job with a full pension. He and his lovely wife are busily building a new house in the country and are planning to travel once she retires too. One very happy ending…