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 Are You Distracted?
Many people classify ADHD as a problem with distraction. However, it seems like it's more of an issue of not being able to filter out selective stimuli to allow you to pay attention and focus on one thing - rather than simply 'distraction'.
Think of it as the holes in a filter are too big and let too much stimuli through too quickly. Of course, there is an upside to this trait, but we'll discuss that in a different ezine.
Clients' talk about seeing 'it all'. An example: while listening to someone talk - they also observe a taxi pulling up through the window, notice a loose screw on the screen door, note the dog is hungry, and hear the heater thermostat malfunction and think about it needing attention. Not in any particular order. The conversation that's going on could be very important but 'all' the things entering the field of attention seem of equal importance at the time. As each new thing is noticed it takes attention away from the original stimulus.
For someone with ADD it's very difficult to know you are not following the conversation. To suddenly realize you have missed 'a chunk' of what was said. Trying to piece together what the person has said from limited information is very stressful.
Being in group setting often exacerbates the problem - lots of outside stimuli and noise make staying focused on a single conversation almost impossible. Unless, you have some strategies up your sleeve.
Unfortunately for the other people in the conversation, the distractibility can seem like lack of interest or indifference. Some people may become irritated or impatient having to repeat themselves, or hearing the same conversation over again. In turn, their irritation may cause anxiety to the person with ADD, who will now spend more energy trying to follow the conversation. They may focus so much on the act of following the conversation; they may not follow it at all. Irritation builds in the other party, anxiety builds in the person with ADD. Communication itself can break down.
Try these strategies:
- For important conversations, make appointments to speak with someone privately. Find a time and place that will have the least amount of distractions so you can follow the conversation.
- If you meet someone unexpectedly in a busy public place and want to have a focused chat - ask to move to the edge of room and position yourself so you face the person and the wall with as much distraction behind you as possible. Explain if you feel the need to.
- Take brief notes during the conversation. Sometimes just a word or two will be enough to remind you of the gist of each point you want to remember. Holding a pen or PDA will help ground you in the activity, and the writing will help you stay focused on the conversation.
- Ask questions. Keeping the conversation interactive will help keep you involved and interested.
- Ask the speaker to repeat what they said if it's a vital piece of the conversation - trying to second guess will only lose you more of the conversation.
- Consider having the conversation during an activity, such as talking while taking a walk. The kinesthetic nature of moving often helps focus your thoughts and reduce stress which can 'freeze' your thoughts.
It's important to explain to those you are comfortable with, what this issue is like for you. Ask for their cooperation to utilize some of the strategies above or craft ones of your own to improve your communication skills. For example, you might ask your partner to gently touch you on the shoulder if you appear to be drifting away from the conversation. It's a win win for everyone to have effective discussions.
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